Monday 9 September 2013

Black Sheep’s First “Baaaa”


I like music...nay I LOVE music. Not in the way that kids these days (“hipsters”?) are all like, “have you heard [insert metaphorically sarcastic band name here] ...they are so rad” (on a side note, when did we start using “rad” again???) but in the “I love to create and play and dance and listen to all and any kind of music, any time, any day” kinda way (minus screamy heave metal). Not to say that I don’t appreciate a good newbie we’re-so-cool-cuz-we’re-not-cool-yet band – don't you fret, I love those guys too my fellow hipsters (I’m not cool enough to be one of you, I apologize).

I have been singing since I can remember and those who have grown up with me know this all too well since these are the wonderful people who on many occasions have told me to "pipe the heck down already" (they may or may not have used more aggressive language...rightly so). I have also played classical Royal Conservatory type flute music for about 17 years now. However, despite my constant and obnoxious humming, most people don’t know that I am absolutely terrified of performing on stage/in court/in class/etc. and when forced (usually by myself) I often come off awkward and uncomfortable...that is, when I’m not hyperventilating on stage and running off in tears (this has actually happened...I was 13).
 
Well, I’m a grown up now and it’s time to put all that behind me. I am going to concur stage freight once and for all because 1. I want to and 2. this will make me happy. I have owned a guitar since high school and yet I don't know how to play it (as a flautist, calluses on fingers are very unbecoming...yes, it’s true, flautists are that fancy). I have signed up for two classes at the local college – guitar 1 and vocal 1. While I am very excited to get going, I feel like I need a goal; something to hold myself accountable to. So, I have created a challenge.
 
I pledge, oh great Internet world, that by the end the semester I will not only be able to sing, but also PLAY, the following song:

 
I have picked this particular song because it holds a lot of meaning for me and has helped me deal with some pretty heavy stuff lately. The challenge will be:

·  to sing it (I have never had professional vocal training and cannot at this moment hit those high notes),

·  to play it (I have no proficiency at the guitar at this point but am able to read music *phew*),

·  and to not have a complete emotional breakdown during the performance and/or the learning process. 

I plan to document this experience as much as possible and post videos of my progress here on this blog and on YouTube in the hope that the Internet community and some of my friends may be able to offer some guidance. That is the challenge and I am up for it because I don't know for sure that this will make me happy but... I know that I'm brave enough to try.

Wish me luck!



 

Introduction

And so it begins. I created this domain name on Blogger over a year ago and it has just been sitting, waiting and fearing to be written...to be started. Recently, I have come to some stark realizations about myself and my life and I have discovered some scary things. I won’t bore you with the details of those “things” now since that is not the purpose of the Introduction, but I will tell you the gist - I am not happy (yikes! I wasn’t kidding about “stark”).
 
I haven’t been happy for a long time, not really, and if you're feeling a little bit awkward about that statement right now, just imagine my state of mind when I made the realization a few days ago - admitting this to myself was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do....and I've dealt with some pretty hard stuff in my 28 years of life. There are many reasons why I'm at this place and probably many more that I haven’t even come to discover yet and that will only unfold with time...with effort. What I do know is that I am a very fortunate person with many things going for me and many people around me who genuinely love me and want the best for me. You’d think that would be enough to make someone happy, right? Wrong.
 
I think it all comes down to love. I can give it to everyone (and sometimes every “thing” [insert probably unhealthy personification of most inanimate objects here]) under the sun...except for, myself. The Meyers-Briggs personality test labelled me an ENFJ (extrovert, intuitive, feeling, judging). This basically means I react to everything emotionally rather than logically, I’m super good at loving everyone else/seeing the best in people even when they don’t deserve it and also super great at holding myself to an impossible standard of perfection (collective, “Yikes”?). I’m sure you can see how this could be a problem.
 
Clearly, I can’t go on like this - something’s gotta give...and something did...aaaaand now I’m really pissed (I even typed in a few swear words here...and subsequently deleted them...but don’t be fooled – PISSED!). I have decided to confront my biggest bully and take her down - not with physical force, mind you (I don’t believe in violence), but by tattle-tailing...tattle-tailing to everyone I know!
 
So, I blog. HELLO WORLD!
 
 
(take that you stupid...silly bully!)